While we are still struggling with many of our own aspects of loss for a family member, we are trying to ensure that we take advantage of every opportunity to make memories. 

We welcome friends and family into our house often. But it is a special treat when we can enjoy beautiful days out exploring. Recently we visited an amusement park with our neice and best friends two daughters. It was a great experience having my sister-in-law there with our neice and having our friends daughters with us. 

We learn so much every time we can spend time with the children around us and cannot wait to put that knowledge to use for a child of our own. 

It has been forever since I have posted, but there has been a lot happening. My family has been working through the grieving process and it seems like everyone has been sick! 

However, in the midst of the chaos we were able to spend some amazing time with friends for a weekend vacation, celebrate a close friends milestone of 50 and her sons high-school graduation. Things that still don't feel real. 

We are moving forward with life and while we still have moments of sadness it's the best path forward. Looking to bringing a child into our lives is just such an amazing thought and while we may not have everyone we thought in person around us they are there. Waiting. Full of love. 

I think when a child loses a parent it creates a whole in their heart. But when a parent loses a child it is a very different type of lose. This past Saturday both happened. My grandmother who is a sunny 96 and my sister and I suffered the loss of my dad. While we know the choice was the right one, it doesn't make the loss any easier. 

This has really brought me back to the journey for adoption we are on. It's not just our journey, it our families journey and it's the birth families as well. No matter what the right choice is, it doesn't make it any easier. Watching my grandmother over the last few days work through her grief has opened my eyes and shown me how brave the families of the children they have chose to place in adoption are. While my heart breaks that my dad will never meet a child, it is only part of the process. You are brave. I am brave. We fight everyday for what is best. And while it may be the most difficult thing we ever do, we stay brave. 

Exhausting. That is the only word to describe the last 12 days. 

As we continue to support my mother and try to understand the health issues of my father we are reminded of how important time is. For us the journey to a family has been so long. Sometimes you only focus on what you don't have. This time that focus was on not possibly having my father in our lives and the lives of our future child.

While no one can be certain about what will happen. We can be certain that we will make the best of every moment. We never know how long we have with each other. For now here is a picture of all the family dogs resting in anticipation for my father's release from the hospital. 

It has been some time since I posted but it has been busy and crazy. I celebrated my first month as a board position for a local outdoors club. This has been a real challenge with my schedule but something I completely believe will be worth the effort. I hope to help with education for future hunter, traders and fisherman something that has been in decline in recent years. 

We also went glancing with family. While it wasn't my favorite weekend as it rained and was a bit cold, it was great to be with family again by the campfire. And surrounded by the snoring! 

Also we are currently in a health scare for my father. Prognosis is still good but he is currently in ICU with double pnemonia. He is a transplant patient, and this has been a very trying event. Now in his 60s, it is a second round of aggressive pnemonia that came on quickly with no root cause. 

This is the time that reminds me of why we are pushing forward with adoption. Even with genetics you never fully know what you are dealing with. We have such love and support to give we want to share it. It also is a reminder of how strong families can be when they need to. 

With everyday life, we sometimes forget to stop and be thankful for everything that has gotten us to this point. Friends and family who are patiently waiting by our sides for this next step. 

While fishing with my husband's best friend and his children this weekend it reminded me of just how lucky we are, and just how excited we will be to share these values and traditions with our child. 

My husband and I both grew up fishing. Both of our families still continue the tradition today. We love the water, respect it's valuable resources and can't wait to swim soon. Our friends share so many of these values and we now appreciate the patients needed to fish with toddlers and tweens. These are lessons we appreciate beyond words and can't wait to put to good use. 

It seems this morning that the world is starting to heal from this last 56 weeks of insanity. Working in health care and being essential for both David and I have given us new appreciation for our time, the time of ours and the world around us. 

It has also shown us how much a family means. This year being "locked down" and disconnected from our family and friends really showed how much they mean and support our everyday lives. While things may not go back to "normal" for a while, the ability to reconnect with those around us means so much. Our family will have amazing support to grow and flourish. 

Another birthday has come and gone. I will say that the struggle of getting older really hit hard this year. This year was the same year my girlfriend had her son and I said I would never be that old to have kids, well he turned 15 and we are on our adoption journey. It's crazy to think how you try to prepare this perfect scenario in your head. What's hard is convincing yourself whatever the scenario is is the perfect one because it's yours. I have so much to be thankful for. We are healthy, we have family and friends that support us and we have the joy of knowing when we match it was the path we were supposed to be on all along. 

Today was the first day at the lake. Kids were everywhere trying to cast for the big one, or golden one!

Jessica cooked breakfast for the hungry fisher folks and there was at least a few big ones reeled in. This is what we hope to help a child learn. Nature, patients and of course hook safety! Luckily today there were no hook injuries. 

So we made it this far. As I sit eating lunch at my messy desk it seems like I never thought we would get to the point where we could actually adopt. It's a long and messy road. And it feels like we ended up on every path to get here. But we did it together. I am excited for this next chapter. I am excited for a family. 

So it has been way too long since I posted, but so much has happened. I worked myself out of not one but two jobs. Took some time off to spend with my grandmother who had a terrible health scare and is doing great at 98. Started a new job and continue to support my mother and sister as we woek through dads passing. Oh yeah and David is still hanging around. Without his support I would not have been able to accomplish the successes in my life and support him in his. Here is a picture of grams at her 98th birthday party.